Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Object of the Day, Caption Contest: A Portrait Card




Well, well, Mr. Cranky Pants, what’s on your mind? Are you sour because we don’t know who you are? You’re not Disraeli. No. You’re…well, you’re someone American. I’d have a better chance identifying you if you were British. But, I have no clue.

Why are you on a trade card, Mr. Cranky Pants? Are you trying to sell us Scrofula tonic? Do you want us to know that you make the world’s best shoes? Perhaps canned meats are your line. We’ll never know. No one ever printed the reverse of the card. It couldn’t be that you’re a stock card. No. Who would pick you? You couldn’t sell perfume? Nor could you endorse ladies’ hats and trimmings. I wouldn’t feel compelled to buy coffee from you. You make me sad, because you’re sad.

And, so, we’ll mock you.

Let’s have a caption contest for this poor, lonely, disgruntled antique lithograph.

The thunderstorm is scaring Bertie, so make your answers funny so he can be distracted. Answers in the comments section, please.

Oh...also, if you know who he is, I'd like to know, too.  



20 comments:

April said...

An ad for Victorian air fresheners.

Joseph Crisalli said...

Not very good ones, it seems.

Dashwood said...

He just read a spoiler on the 21st century.

Joseph Crisalli said...

That would do it.

Gene said...

Compared to my mother in law he looks beautiful and sweet.

Joseph Crisalli said...

Someday, we must see this dragon.

Angelo said...

Looks bound up.

Joseph Crisalli said...

In a number of ways.

Darcy said...

I think he's a model for an ad for Lifestyle Lifts or Botox and Debbie Boone just told him they only wanted him for the "before" pictures.
He's really crushed. In his mind he's always thought of himself as an "after".

Joseph Crisalli said...

Ha! Good one! Besides, he always thought "You Light Up My Life" was about him.

Carolyn said...

He looks like he has painful, smelly feet.

Joseph Crisalli said...

I would agree with that.

Matt said...

Maybe his sock suspender things are too tight.

Joseph Crisalli said...

Always a problem.

Barb said...

"Smell this. Does this smell bad to you?"

Joseph Crisalli said...

Yes.

Sam P said...

Try Somber Trusses for all Your Truss Needs.

Joseph Crisalli said...

The sold them in the tens.

Dashwood said...

Actually, if you can stand to look at him closely, there seems to be a flicker of a smile about his eyes and mouth. Like a bear expecting a bun. Or maybe he's waiting for the dinner gong behind him to bong very loudly. Or maybe I shouldn't look too closely.

Joseph Crisalli said...

It's gas.