Ephemeral Beauty: Grind Your Coffee

Click on the image to love a lassie, a bonnie hee-land lassie.

Well, what have we here? This nifty little trade card with its wordy backside dates to 1889 and was made exclusively for Arbuckle Brothers of New York City—hawkers of coffee which appears to be coated in eggs and sugar.

The obverse depicts various scenes of Scotland, including a Scottish, Lassie, High Street, a Highlander and Edinburgh Castle. Published by Joseph Knapp of New York, it’s a great example of the high quality of their printing.

It would appear that this was the tenth installment in a series of cards promoting Ariosa Coffee which took buyers on a nice, flat trip around the world. Each card included drawings of native people and places and a brief description of each location (printed in teeeeeeny, tiny type).

I’ve spared your eyes by typing out the copy. Meanwhile, I’m now cross-eyed.

Let’s look, shall we?



One of 50 views from a trip around the world.

GRIND 
YOUR COFFEE 
AT HOME. 

     It will pay you well to keep a
small coffee-mill in your kitchen
and grind your coffee just as
you use it, one mess at a time.
Coffee should not be ground
until the coffee-pot is ready to
receive it. Coffee will lose more
of its strength and aroma in one
hour after being ground than
in six months before being
ground. So long as

ARIOSA 

remains in the whole berry, our
glazing, composed of choice
eggs and pure confectioners’ A
sugar, closes the pores of the
coffee, and thereby are retained
all the original strength and
aroma.ARIOSA COFFEE 

has during 25 years set the
standard for all other roasted
coffees. So true is this that
other manufacturers, in recom-
mending their goods, have
known no higher praise than
to say, “It’s just as good as
Arbuckles’.”ARBUCKLE BROS. 
NEW YORK CITY 
JOSEPH P. KNAPP, LITH., N.Y. 



And, then, on the next column, we get the tenth installment of our sugar-coated, coffee-based trip around the world. Let’s put on our kilts and go to…



EDINBURG, SCOTLAND. 

     The point commanding at a
glance the view of all the most
noted features within and around
Edinburgh, is Calton Hill, at the
summit of which is Nelson’s Monu-
ment, its top 350 feet above the sea,
and where, every day at one o’clock
an electric time signal indicates the
hour. 

(NOTE FROM JOSEPH—WHY JUST AT ONE O’CLOCK?) 

     Edinburgh Castle is on a rock
which was the site of a stronghold
before the earliest dates of Scottish
history, and is connected with many
of the stirring scenes recorded in
the annals of this interesting
country. The entrance to the Cas-
tle is by an esplanade on the east.
This is the only entrance. On leav-
ing the confines, a continuous route
leads through the time honored
chain of streets, the Lawn Market,
High Street, with its narrower por-
tion called Nether Bow, and Can-
nongate, to Holyrood Palace.

     The Scott Monument is an ele-
gant structure in the form of an
open crucial Gothic spire, supported
on four early English arches which
serve as a canopy for the statue. It
is about 200 feet high. Under the
central basement arch is a marble
statue of Sir Walter Scott with a
figure of his favorite dog at his
feet.

     St. Giles’ Church is a Gothic edi-
fice with massive square tower ter-
minating in open stone work in the
form of a crown, and is noted
as the scene of many remarkable
events. Behind the church is Par-
liament Square. This occupies the
site of an ancient cemetery where
the reformer, John Knox, was
buried. The Hall of Parliament
House is very beautiful with its
stained glass windows, pictures and
statues.

     Holyrood Palace is renowned for
legendary romance as to its origin
and for the actual tragic incidents
of royalty within its walls. On the
way to the Queen’s Drive, Craig-
miliar Castle is seen in the distance,
where Mary Queen of Scots often
resided. 

     Population 1889 (est.) 271,135

Ephemeral Beauty: Another Spooky McLaughlin's Paper Doll

The McLaughlin’s Coffee people wanted to capture the attention of their Nineteenth Century clientele and, so, they produced a series of paper dolls with detachable heads and swap-able bodies. We’ve looked at some from my collection before. 

After a century, many of them have donned a patina which gives them a rather spooky look which I find particularly charming. This one is, in my estimation, the spookiest of the lot.

On the reverse, she says the same thing that her scary sisters say:

16 DOLLS IN THIS SET 

.4 Baby Dolls.

..4 Girl Dolls.. 

...4 Boy Dolls... 

..4 Mamma Dolls.. 

THE HEADS COME OFF 

YOU CAN DRESS AN UN- 

DRESS THEM AS YOU PLEASE. 

SECURE THE WHOLE FAMILY. 

One Doll in Every Package of 

McLaughlin’s 

XXXX COFFEE 

Ephemeral Beauty: Dr. Jacques German Worm Cakes

What have we here? A mother and child—they’re being visited by a fashionable lady who seems to be offering something to them. Soap, perhaps? Or is it a German Worm Cake? After all, they never fail.

Why would this healthy-looking young lady need worm cakes? She seems to be okay, maybe a little tired. Her ENORMOUS baby seems hearty enough. But, then…who can tell when worms might attack? They come from candy, you know? What? You didn’t know? Well, I didn’t either, but that’s what the reverse of the card tells us. Candy and good health bring worms. Poor health and over-eating brings worms. Water and air bring worms. Everything brings worms! Worms, worms, worms! You need vermifuge! You need it now! 

Read on and be afraid…

DR. JACQUES' 
German Worm Cakes, 
The Most Efficient Remedy Discovered

     These Worm Cakes have had the most wonderful suc-
cess, and have proved to be the very best, safest and
most efficient Worm Remedy ever placed within reach of
the people. They are a safe medicine and easily admin-
istered, as children will readily take them, and their
efficiency is remarkable. Nearly all children are at some
time affected with worms, and worms in the system are
more dangerous than is generally supposed , as they de-
prive the children of the benefit of the food they eat,
thus reducing them to a constant state of emaciation and
debility, and also lay the foundation of many serious dis-
eases. The origin of worms in the human body is very
obscure. However, it is certain that children of scrof-
ulous tendency and generally depraved health are most
apt to be affected with them, although they are also
quite generally found in children who are in robust
health. Certain causes are well known to be exceedingly
favorable to their growth, such as excessive indulgence
in food, excessive indulgence in candy and confectionery,
impure water, etc. Worms are most abundant in moist
countries or during a long prevalence of warm, damp
weather. Children after weaning, are more frequently
affected than very young infants, and Convulsions or
Spasms are often caused by worms in the system. Be
sure to ask for Dr. Jacques’ German Worm Cakes.

                           Prepared by theEMMERT PROPRIETARY CO.,    --    Chicago, Ill. 
                          PRESENTED BY… 

NO ONE.

Let's translate the above, shall we?

So, whether you’re strong or weak, whether you eat well or poorly, whether you’re a grown up or a baby…WORMS ARE GONNA GET YA. So, you might as well eat these German Worm Cakes. We don’t tell you what they are or what’s in them. Are they also made of worms? We’ll never tell. Just know that worms are going to get you and make your baby have spasms and be depraved. And, you’ll never know where they came from!

Ephemeral Beauty: The Mollie Knitting Machine

In the Nineteenth Century, evenings were spent reading, engaged in conversation, playing games, enjoying artistic pursuits, and strapping your daughters into a knitting machine. Well, that’s the impression I get from this trade card.

The card was created for The Mollie Knitting Machine which claims to be “The Cheapest and Best Made.” By the was patented on August 10, 1886. The bottom tells us that we can buy this contraption somewhere in Missouri, in the past.

The chromolithograph, of course, has all the typical trademarks of such products—a happy kitten playing with a ball of yarn and…well, that’s about it. This pale-faced young lady’s cadaverous face is fixed in resolution to her fate as she, bound to her chair, is trapped within the Mollie Knitting Machine. There’s no escape for her. She knows it. So, she’ll just focus on her vaguely Arts and Crafts flower pattern and hope that, perhaps, the kitten will gnaw through the ropes which bind her into this nightmare of needlework.

$500 REWARD 

for any HAND-TUFTING MACHINE on the market at this
date (Sept. 15, 1887,) that can be worked by a child six years
old, with such precision, ease and rapidity, and making such
close solid stitches to the fabric, in working on curves, as can be
done withDeal’s • Fabric • Tufter
(Pat. Aug. 10, 1886; Improved Aug. 25, 1886.) 
AUTOMATIC STITCHER AND FEEDER. Makes Regular Stitches and Beautiful Work
          So Simple a Child can Operate it with Ease.
                    Beautiful in Finish. Perfect in Construction.
                              Durable in Use.

     Ladies delighted with it, and discarding the heavy, awk-
ward flat-handle and loose working crank-handle machines.
     Articles of handiwork – mementoes in years to come of the
loved ones of “Home, Sweet Home,” – made in a few hours
with this LATEST IMPROVED FABRIC TUFTER; such as
beautiful

TURKISH RUGS.
          OTTOMANS, QUILTS,
                    PIANO SPREADS, TIDIES,
                            STAIR CARPETS, LAP ROBES,
                                      HOODS, MITTENS,
                                              CAPS, SLIPPERS. ETC. 

     One Hundred and Fifty Stitches Easily Made in a Minute.
Works Cotton and Woolen Rags, Ravelings and Yarn. We
guarantee every Tufter to be PERFECT IN EVERY PAR-
TICULAR.      Sent by mail to any address for $1.50. Carpet Yarn in
colors at 60 cents a pound. Beautiful patterns in stock. Ad-
justable hard-wood frames, 4 ft. by 6 ft., at 40 cents. Orders
by mail promptly attended to.
     AGENTS WANTED IN EVERY TOWN. 
Address 
GEO. H. KING, MANAGER
FABRIC TUFTER CO.
26 EAST SEVENTH ST.
KANSAS CITY, MO. 


Well, thank God. Now, I can get my tidies made! I just have to let little Audra’s legs atrophy for it. This thing could do anything, it seems. Anything, I suppose, except give your daughter a healthful glow and a happy look in her eye. So, for $1.50, I can have all manner of fuzzy things in my house AND keep the female children from thriving.

Ah, but they did anyway. As you can see, one of them had the audacity to write on the card. On the front, in neat script, she wrote her name in pencil—“Lissa.” On the reverse, she wrote something which is now unreadable. I think it says, “Help me.”

Ephemeral Beauty: A Bookmark from the Family Druggist

You must click on the image to see the larger picture since it's very attractive.  I insist.  

A chinoiserie-inspired scene on a celadon background, this antique bookmark mimics the look of the japanned objects and furnishings which were so popular in the mid-to-late Nineteenth Century while incorporating the “it” colors of the 1880s—minty green, rust, coral and umber.

It’s a dandy little thing. I love the color palette. If given this bookmark/trade card by my local druggist today, I’d surely save it and use it. I think its inherent loveliness is the very reason that it’s survived well over a century to end up in the collection of some guy in Texas in 2012.

EVERARD H. KELLEY, FAMILY DRUGGIST handed out these cards. I wonder if he liked his name. I’ve never heard the name “Everard” before, but you can rest assured it’ll pop up in "A Recipe for Punch" or some of my other projects. Mr. Kelley’s apothecary shop was located on the Post Office Block of Lawrence, Massachusetts. That’s not too specific is it? Well, I suppose if you lived in Lawrence in the 1880s that was as specific an address as was necessary. I’m sure everyone knew Mr. Kelley. I’m sure Everard was the president of some local organization—the Elks or the Loyal Order of Anteaters or, perhaps, he was a member of some group like one which we had here in my hometown in the 1880s—the ‘Possum and ‘Tater Club. Everyone probably knew him, and everyone probably liked him. I’ll bet the men thought he was “aces” and the ladies admired his taste and gentle spirit. Or…maybe he was a real jerk and everyone cringed every time they went to buy a Scrofula tonic. “You know, Midge, he’s bitter about his name. That’s why he’s like that.”

Either way, for some reason, this card has been preserved, and I’m glad it has because it’s awfully pretty. And, that’s the sort of thing I think about here in my house full of old paper.

Ephemeral Beauty: Rumford Chemical Works Baking Powder

Click on image to get a closer look.

Nothing says home-baked goodness like “Chemical Works.”

The front of this handsome, and atypically large, trade card is printed with a very Rembrandt-y portrait of a curly-locked tot of indeterminate gender. The work of The Major & Knapp Lithography of New York, the card is copyrighted 1884 by the Rumford Chemical Works.

So, what could this be advertising? Oil? Cleaning solution? Soap? Insecticide?

Nope.

Baking powder.

How can this be? Let’s see what they say: 

Prof. HORSFORD'S 

SELF-RAISING 

BREAD PREPARATION. 

The Healthful and Nutritious 

Baking Powder. 

It is recommended and used by the leading Physicians 

and Chemists, and its use is positively 

Beneficial to Health. 

     Phosphate of lime is an essential constituent of all grains, and
is an important nutritive principle and indispensable element in the
construction of all the animal tissues.
     In the process of bolting fine wheat flour, a large portion of the
phosphates are lost.
     This Powder supplies the phosphates, this rendering the bread,
biscuit, etc., healthful and nutritious. 
    No other Baking Powder in the world ever received such high
commendation from eminent authorities. 

SPECIAL DIRECTIONS. 

       Sift the Powder and Flour thoroughly together before wetting.
     Have the oven HOT before mixing the dough.
     Mix the dough as quickly as possible, and put it into the oven immediately. The
quicker this is done, the better the result. 

------------------------- 

Send to Rumford Chemical Works, Providence, R.I., for the Horsford Almanac 

And Cook Book.

Wow! What specific instructions! Next time I try to bake something, I'll make the oven vaguely HOT and then work as fast as I can. I wonder what the little child on the front of the card would say. Nothing, I suppose, since he or she would likely be very disinterested.

Ephemeral Beauty: A Trade Card for Clark's Mile-End Spool Cotton

Click image to enlarge.

I think that the Coats Thread Company and the Clark Thread Company (now merged as Coats and Clark) were responsible for the majority of the trade cards printed in the U.S. in the Nineteenth Century. No matter what, every lot of ephemera that I buy has a huge amount of Coats and Clark cards scattered throughout.

Here’s another one which I recently acquired. It’s typically odd. A poor, deformed man in mustard yellow pants is being tormented by a child with a skin condition who just happens to have access to an enormous spool of Clark’s Trade Mark Mile-End Spool Cotton. The lad, in his wee plaid suit, has tied one end of the spool to a stick and, stretching it across a sidewalk, is using it to bloody the knees of the hairy-faced ginger fellow.

Let’s see what the reverse says and if it incites children to violence.

Nope. No violence implied.

It reads below the Clark’s logo.

BEST SIX CORD 

ALL NUMBERS from No. 8 to 100.

THE COLORS are especially dyed to match 

ALL SHADES of Dress Goods and can be
               used
INSTEAD OF SILK by Dress makers and
               Families.
THE BLACK is Strong and Smooth, and
               of the
PUREST DYE. It will retain its very 

DEEP BLACK hue as long as Silk Fabrics. 

                The White, Black and Colored
IS THE STANDARD for us upon all 

          SEWING MACHINES.

Object of the Day: A Trade Card for Blood Bitters

Click on image to enlarge.

Burdock Blood Bitters. That sounds tasty. It wasn’t made of blood. It wasn’t made by someone named Burdock. Apparently, this medicinal elixir was made from a type of thistle called burdocks. Burdocks have been ground up for centuries and used in a suspension to calm the stomach. The practice was especially popular in monastic orders who, I suppose, have little else to do when not praying and baking bread. Blood Bitters were meant to cleanse the blood and to encourage intestinal health.

And, so, here’s another trade card from my collection. Printed by Coback and Company of Buffalo New York, I’d guess this card dates to the late 1870s. The front features a chromolithograph of a happy tot in a fine little outfit of turquoise velvet, a rough and cute little sash of gold and red silk. He even has little shoes and attractive pink socks.

I can’t help but be a little disturbed by the face that he’s making. I suppose that’s the face of a being with happy bowels. He holds aloft a bottle of Burdock Blood Bitters and he seems to be saying, “Look at this. This will please your bowels.”

Sadly, the reverse of the card is a little ruined after having been first glued into an album (which is really for what these cards were intended), and then, ripped out of said album a century later. On one hand, being in an album preserved this card for over a hundred years and allowed me to add it to my collection so I can preserve it even longer. However, it also compromised the integrity of the reverse printing.

Let’s see if we can’t make out some of it.
_________ on receipt of 3 ct _______ 
____________ & Co. Buffalo, N.Y. 

DON’T DO __ T 
     Don’t get married if you have dyspepsia _____
stomach are pretty sure to breed misery in __________
hold.
     DON’T attempt a big job of work with the __________
plaint, as ten to one you’ll fail.
     DON'T try to be a society favorite if you are bilious.
Sour folks are poor company.
     Don’t aspire to any high position in the world if you
are debilitated, nervous or weak. It is the strong and
tough who win.
     DON’T imagine that ______________ life if your bloos
is impoverished.
     DON’T labor to loo_______________ a case of scrofula
on your hands.
    DON’T malign t______________ you’ve no appetite.
Tone you your stomach ___________
     DON’T drag through _______ with any of the dis-
eases we have here _________ is a way to avoid it.
     DON’T forget that Burdock Blood Bitters cure dys-
pepsia, cure disorders of the liver and kidneys, cure
nervousness, biliousness, constipation, debility, any
disease of the blood.
     DON’T forget that Burdock Blood Bitters are whole-
some, economical, quick to relieve, thoroughly satis-
________, and can be obtained of any druggist ____. 

Well, that’s not scary at all. Very uplifting ad copy. Not at all like a demented scrofulous Mad-Lib.

Then, on the bottom, stamped crookedly in pink (which I suspect was once red), it reads:

Sold by A.L. Field, Druggist 

251 Thorndike St., Davis Corner 

Lowell, Mass. 

Card of the Day: HRH The Prince of Wales

When you're bored with yourself, marry and be bored with someone else. 

King Edward VIII 

I’ve often written of my dislike for the briefly-reigning King Edward VIII, the one-time Prince of Wales, and later Duke of Windsor. I tend to side with Queen Mary in matters regarding the Royal Family (not that my opinion really matters at all) and tend to keenly feel her disappointment in her eldest son.

But, to be fair, just for a moment, let’s examine the Prince of Wales who is seen here in this 1935 Silver Jubilee card by the Godfrey Phillips Company.

“David,” as he was known within the family was always restless. This was a state of mind which never made sense to his parents—King George V and Queen Mary. The King and Queen were anything but restless. They had their duties, they had each other, they had the empire and they had their family and that was quite enough. Sure, the King and Queen each had their hobbies, shooting and shopping respectively, but at the end of the day, it was a quiet supper en famille which most appealed to them. Prince Edward, on the other hand, yearned for adventure. He was considered quite good looking. Though Mary wasn’t eager to share this with her son, she often wrote to King George just how handsome she thought her fair-haired eldest boy was and that she was pleased that he physically favored, “The old Royal Family.” 

Young Prince Edward
The Royal Collection

David didn’t need his mother to tell him that he was attractive. Everyone else told him. He liked to be told. He liked praise and attention and enjoyed going places where he’d be get both. Sitting at home while his mother sat cataloging her jewels (and truly, this was how Queen Mary spent her evenings) and his father sat smoking and growling to himself about the Empire (which, indeed, is how George spent his evenings), was not appealing. The King was often very vocal (quite violently at times) about his displeasure with his hard-living eldest boy. And, the more the King ranted, the more Prince Edward wanted to be out of the house—typical teenager stuff, but heartily magnified when you’re the Prince of Wales and your dad is the King. What Edward didn’t know was that his mother—though she never said it aloud—often wrote long letters to her husband pleasing with him to be gentler with their son. It didn’t work, but she tried.

Mary, for her part, had no ability to communicate on a personal level with anyone. She was quite shy and inhibited. While she was able to make small talk at parties and while she had no trouble running her myriad charities and talking with her subjects, when it came to talking with her family, she was crippled. This owed a lot to her tumultuous childhood with her egotistical mother and her father, the Duke of Teck, who was, at best, something of a nut. The Queen was very sensitive and loving, but had no means of communicating that. And, so, he children were often left wondering what she was thinking and, when alone with her, would despair that they only talked about vague subjects. Mary’s few attempts to have real conversations with her children were such failures that they would leave her rooms wondering just what had happened.

After the close of the Great War, Mary hoped that “David” would settle down. She had planned to find a way to start to mold him into a proper heir presumptive, but then, her youngest son—Prince John—died during an epileptic seizure. The Queen sank into a private depression. She never spoke of her son’s death. In fact, she rarely ever mentioned him again, but she privately wrote of her secret, deep despair and how it prevented further closeness to her other children.

Meanwhile, the King and Queen couldn’t understand why Britain was so uneasy when they finally had achieved peace. The Prince of Wales began to represent the new sensibilities of the 1920’s—glamour, adventure and excitement. George V and Mary never could understand their son’s sense of boredom. The Queen was the first to point out that she was “never bored.” Yet, “David” was always bored. Always. And, much of the Empire was bored, too.

And so, disappointment built on disappointment. The more the King ranted, the more “David” became bored. He kept questionable company—company which ultimately led to his abdication, and he was, notably, Queen Mary’s deepest disappointment of all.

Object of the Day: Buy Peoria Stoves

She’s looking to her right with an expression that says, “Isn’t my costume a bit…well…Seventeenth Century.” 

She pauses and breaks her gaze.

"What?"  The artist asks.

"Well...it's just that this...collar.  It's rather...out-moded."

“No, no…” The artist must have said. “It’s fine.”

“What’s this drawing for?” She asked.

“I dunno, canned meat…or…I dunno. Kettles or something.”

“Should I smile?”

“Not a lot.” The artist replies.

“Are you sure I’m not over-dressed for kettles?”

“Maybe it’s stoves. I dunno.” The artist replied. “Now, stay still.”

“Oh, if it’s stoves. Then, this is perfect. The hat’s my own. Do you like it?”

“Stay still!”

"Georges?  Why is it you always get to sit in the shade while I have to stand in the sun?" 

"Don't move the mouth."  He replies.

Oh...hold on.  I slipped into Sondheim-mode.  Let's refocus.

Above this decidedly over-dressed woman, we see the words:

Buy PEORIA STOVES.

MANUFACTURED BY

CULTER & PROCTOR STOVE CO.

Peoria, Ills.

And, on the reverse, we see…

THE PEORIA OAK

FOR SOFT COAL AND WOOD,

IS THE

PEERLESS LEADER

OF ITS CLASS

     The fire pot for coal is double and heavy. Single Fire
Pot and separate Wood Grate for wood.
     Fire Pot is LOW DOWN, retaining and radiating the heat
near the floor, where it is needed.
     The base Section is ornamental and ventilated, distributing
heat from its entire surface.
     Large deep Ash Pan in base rendering stove cleanly and
convenient in service.
     Mounted with extra heavy, best quality Boiler Iron Drum.
     Every joint made gas and air tight—preventing leakage.
     Check Draft Registers in doors and collar, giving perfect
control over fire.
     Grate shakes from outside, with solid center pull dump.
     Spun nickel and Bronze Urn.
     Full Nickel Trimmed.      Polished Edges.



I do worry about having a solid center pull dump. 

Ah, the days when cooking was truly, truly dangerous.

Object of the Day: Charity's Home

Click on image to see a picture with no relation whatsoever to the copy.

Well, I have no idea.

I decided that I would sit down and type the copy from the reverse of this page and see where it took me. After a lot of dialogue and a peculiar use of the affectionate term of “glow worm,” the copy finally told me that this was an ad for Met Life Insurance. It’s the twelfth of something. I’d guess that it’s twelfth chapter of an ongoing insurance-themed saga. It appears to be a page from a booklet since it just cuts off.

The obverse gives us a nice look at a little girl with a puppy. This doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the story of Israel and Charity and their shotgun house. Still, it’s a strangely compelling read.

Judge for yourself. I insist. I took the time to type it.

12. 

CHARITY’S HOME 

AND HOW IT WAS PAID FOR 

A FEW years ago, my wife said to me one morning:

“Israel, we must have a home of our own.”

Said I: “Charity, it’s just impossible; we hain’t the means.”

Said she: “Israel, we hain’t the means to pay the rent these people charge, that’s clear.”

She began washing up the breakfast things, and off I went to duty.

In the evening, Charity said to me, as we sat down to supper:

“Israel, I’ve bought a lot.”

I srpanf up from my chair and said: “You’ve bought what?”

“A lot.” Said she.

“A lot?” Said I.

“A lot.” Said she.

“Well!” said I and sat down again and went for the tea and biscuit. When I came to, I said to my wife: “Just explain yourself, Charity.”

“I’ve bought a lot,” said she. “Mr. Dodd says the fifty dollars down are satisfactory, and the rest may run at six per cent. Twenty feet front, one hundred feet deep—two thousand feet at twn cents a foot, two hundred dollars. Fifty paid, one hundred and fifty due.”

“But, Charity, how about a house?”

“All right, Israel. I’ve made a contract with Chipps & Cullings; house, shed and fence, fifteen hundred and fifty.”

“Charity!”

“Israel, honey, don’t talk please. You men—“

“Charity, are you?”

“Deranged, eh? No, love, not a bit. One hundred dollars cash when possession is given--”

“But, Charity--”

“Stop a minute. You know, Israel, we can never get our large bureau, nor our large sofa, nor our high-post bedstead, nor our large dining table, nor our large wardrobe into this little four-room house. That’s clear, hain’t it?”

“Well?”

“Well, then, we’ll sell them all, and the proceeds will meet these two cash payments.”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly, with a little difference, may be. So, you see.”

“But, how can we do without those things?”

“As easy as you will do without cigars; as easy as you will be your own barber and boot-black; as easy as we’ll both take our breakfast without half-dollar butter; as easy as I’ll make all last winter’s clothes carry me through next winter; as easy as I’ll carry you through, nice and genteel, on the same principle; as easy as--”

“Charity!”

“Well?”

“As easy as I’ll do without a “breakfaster” and a “nooner” and a “night-cap,” and my cigars, and an occasional theatre ticket, and--”

“Exactly, old glow-worm.”

“Well—well. Suppose we should do without these things, and I should be taken away before it is paid, where would our own—my Charity’s home—be then?”

“Oh, you can get your life insured in the METROPOLITAN, and make that all safe.”

“Darling, here’s with you!” I never saw debts squared off so soon. Two hundred and fifteen hundred make seventeen; and one hundred and fifty cash, paid off by proceeds of surplus furniture, leaves fifteen hundred and fifty. Fifty dollars a month pays this off in—no, not thirty-one months, because the interest and insurance payments put it off somewhat…

Object of the Day: Life and Coffee in a Shoe

Click image to be whipped soundly.

There was an old woman
     who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children
     she didn’t know what to do;
She gave them some broth
     without any bread, 

She whipped them all soundly
     and put them to bed. 


Excellent parenting advice. It makes me think of the strength and purity of coffee, it does.

At first, I wasn’t sure if this card was die-cut or if it was cut by hand by a former owner who intended to use it for other purposes, likely decoupage. The latter was often the fate of these trade cards. In one way this preserved them forever under a nice layer of varnish, but, in another, it distances the item from its original form.

Either way, here we have an old lady who lived in her shoe. Living in a shoe, it seems, hasn’t kept her from procreating. Clearly, this card was once one of a collectible series produced by Lion Coffee. This was No. 8.

Now, you see, this is where the whole thing gets foggy. On the reverse, printed above the verse describing this elderly woman’s living conditions, we have a line drawing of the scene to the left of the image from the next scene in the series.  Or is it? And, then, at the very bottom are the mysterious words, “Bend Back Standards.”

What does that mean?

Was this part of a larger sheet which was designed to be cut and displayed in a child’s room? Were the publishers anticipating that these would be collected in order?

I couldn’t leave it alone. So, a little research tells me that this was, in fact, a die-cut card, one of a nursery rhyme series which also corresponds with a paper-doll series produced by Lion Coffee in the late Nineteenth Century.

But, there’s something missing. First of all, the lower portion of this card is now gone. This would have been bent and taped so that the “shoe” would stand up as a background. You’ll notice that the “old woman” is conspicuously absent from the shoe. That’s because she came later as a paper doll—also a standee. She was shown holding a large stick in one hand and a naughty child in the other and was drawn in mid-spank. Charming.  The second piece of this scene was a standee of the other, already-beaten, children in bed.

All-in-all, it’s a nifty advertising gimmick. Collectors of such things are quite keen to amass the complete sets which, it seems, are very difficult to come by. So, apparently, even a century later, the gimmick is still working. Well done, Lion Coffee.