Punch’s Cousin, Chapter 500—The Final Chapter

“What shall I say?”  Robert asked, seated at the writing desk in Mr. Punch’s cabin.  In front of him, a blank page sat—waiting.

“Dunno,”  Punch mumbled, not really paying attention.  Instead, he looked out of the porthole—his nose almost on the glass.

“We must think of something,”  Robert urged patiently.  "We'll need to have the house opened and ready..."

“Look at the sea, chum.”  Mr. Punch answered, not turning around.  “It’s all dark and shiny—all at once.  Like when it moves, it’s not dark no more.  It’s the moon’s what’s doin’ it.  Lightin’ it up like them sapphires in me jewel case.  All blue.  Deep, deep beautiful blue.  But, white, too--all the same.  Bright and glorious and pretty.  Soft and hard.  Light and dark.  All at once.”  He giggled.  


Suddenly, a feeling passed within Mr. Punch--a feeling with which he wasn't familiar.


"Here, chum."  Punch sighed.  "You know what the sea looks like to me?"


"The Molliner Blue?"  Robert answered softly.


"Sure,"  Punch nodded--still not looking at his companion.  "Me pa's diamond.  I think he'd be proud, he would."


"I know he would."


"Maybe I didn't get to keep pa's diamond.  But, I got somethin' far more valuable from it.  It bought us Colin's freedom."


"And a namesake for your father."  Robert replied.  "I'm certain Sir Colin would approve."


Mr. Punch nodded quietly.


After awhile, he sighed again.  “You know?  I think I might like bein’ a jeweler.”

He finally turned around and smiled at Robert.  “Ain’t it queer?  Even though I was not the one doin’ it, I watched through our eyes when me master was workin’ with all them jewels and diamonds and gold and such.  I think I could do it.”

“You’re going to have to,”  Robert winked.  “Besides that, I think—from within, at least—Julian will help you.”

“I guess I will have to do it.”  Punch sighed.  “Her Majesty’s gonna want to see me when we get back.  Or, Prince Albert will.  He's German, you know?”


"I've heard,"  Robert laughed softly. 


"But, it's for Her Majesty what he does all he does.  Sure, she'll want me at the palace soon as she hears we come back."

“And she won’t be able to see you unless we have an organized household, so, let’s finish our letter.”  Robert grinned.

“It’s cold in here.”  Punch grumbled.  “Do you think Colin’s cold?  Maybe we should go check on him.”

“I was just in there,”  Robert shook his head.  “He’s asleep.  He’s not cold, and what’s more, Gerry’s with him.  He’s quite all right.  Gerard would tell us if Colin needed anything.”

“Gerry's there.  But, where’s Charles?”

“You know very well that Charles is in his cabin pressing our shirts for tomorrow.”

"Right.  Turned out to be a good man, that Charles.  Once we got him 'way from Barbara.  Much better than Arthur.  Whew!  Much better."


"I can't argue that."  Robert nodded.  "Now, about our letter..."


“Maybe Toby’s cold.”  Punch continued.

“Dear Punch, Toby has a permanent fur coat—furthermore,” he pointed to the bed, “he’s sleeping under the blankets.”

“Are you cold?”  Punch asked, his eyes widening.  "Maybe you're cold."

“No.”  Robert sighed.  “My dear, you don't suppose I'm unaware what you're presently about.  Why are you stalling?  If we finish this letter, we can go to sleep.”

“I don’t need as much sleep as you do, I don’t…”  Punch mumbled, turning around again and walking toward the porthole.

“Very well...”  Robert stood up.  He laughed and walked over to Mr. Punch, putting his hands on his friend’s shoulders.  “Now, talk to me.  Why are you procrastinating?  Is there some reason you don’t want to dictate this letter to me.”

“I don’t know what to say,”  Punch admitted.  "You know I don't know what to say, I don't.  I ain't good with such things.  I only say what I know."

“That’s not a problem,”  Robert smiled, “I’ll translate it for you.  That’s why you’re dictating.  Just say what you're thinking.”

“But, but...  You ain’t always gonna be able to translate for me.”  Punch snorted.  “When we get back, you’re gonna want to work at being a physician.  Yes?”

“Yes.” Robert nodded.

“Well, you ain’t gonna be with me all day.  And, I’m gonna have to go places sometimes—like the palace or Balmoral or to the goldsmiths or to look for jewels.  I’m gonna have to talk to folk and talk to the staff in the house and…”

“And…you’re afraid that they’ll notice that you’re...different?”

“Yes.”  Punch nodded.

“You’re correct.  They will.  Even if you perform your expert impersonation of Julian, they’ll know that you’re not the same and they will, in fact, talk about it privately, and, at times, publicly.”

Punch nodded slowly.  “I can’t pretend to be Julian all the time.  It’s one thing to do it at Buckingham Palace, but I don’t want to have to do it at home.”

“I don’t think you should.”  Robert said gently.  “You should just carry on as you are.”

“They’ll say things, folk will.  Oh, they'll say plenty when we ain't 'round."

“Of course.”  Robert winked.  “But, they’re going to say things anyway.”

“I know.”  Punch grumbled.  “They’re going to talk about you…and Colin.  What will we tell people ‘bout Colin?  And, what ‘bout Barbara?  By now, folk know I left for America to retrieve Barbara.  They’ll see that she didn’t come back.  What will I say?  What will we both say?”

“I’ve given this a great deal of thought,”  Robert smiled, guiding Mr. Punch toward the bed.  He sat Punch down and plopped down beside him.

“You have?”  Punch asked eagerly.

“Of course.”

“See, that’s why you’re me chum.”  Punch smiled finally.  "That's why I need you.  We.  We need you."

“It’s my honor to take care of you and our family.”  Robert answered sincerely.  “Now, here’s what I think…”

“Go on,”  Punch pressed  his hands together.

“I know we’re already returning to a scandal.  News of the deaths of your mother, the Duchess, and your father, Sir Colin, has preceded us.  London society already knows your father was killed, but they can’t be sure how your mother passed on.  I suggest we tell those who ask that your mother contracted the Yellow Fever while in America searching for your sister with you.”

“Oh…”  Punch’s eyes widened.  “So, we can lie?”

“In this case, it’s kinder, I think, to do so.  There’s no need to drag your mother’s name through the mud by revealing her involvement in your father’s death nor her association with Iolanthe Evangeline--though she might deserve exposing, it wouldn't do any good.  Not only that, but we’ll be protecting your good name and Colin’s.”

“You’re so smart and so good and decent and such.”  Punch said, gazing with admiration at Robert.

“I’m glad you think so.”  Robert chuckled.  He cleared his throat and continued.  “As for Barbara…”

“Can we say she died, too?”  Punch nodded eagerly.  "I wouldn't mind that."

“I think we should.”  Robert nodded.

“Here, it’s rather like she did.  Lady Barbara is gone.  The woman what’s left ain’t the same.”

“No.”  Robert sighed.  “We can say that she became ill looking after your mother and that the fever spread to the family with whom they were staying—leaving that sad family’s infant son an orphan.”

“I see.”  Punch nodded.  “And, I can say that we adopted Colin to give him a good home.”

“That you adopted Colin, yes.”

“Why not both of us?”

Robert blushed.  “Well, I don’t think the people of your class would be too accepting of the idea of both of us adopting the boy.”

“Oh.”  Punch squinted.  “Don’t see why, but if that’s what you think, then, that’s what I’ll do.”

“Thank you,”  Robert nodded.  “I think that’s all we’ll need to say.  No one will ask us more than that.  They’ll certainly talk, but we can’t control that and, frankly, I don’t care.  As for us—well, we can say that we’re longtime friends and leave it at that.  We decided to keep one another company and should anyone ask more than that we can explain that returning to Fallbridge Hall was too painful for you—because of all of the memories of those you’ve lost—and that you preferred to take residence in your London home on Belgrave Square.”

Punch nodded again.  “That bit’s true ‘nough.”

“Do you agree with all of that?” 

“I do.”  Punch smiled.  “But, coo, I’m still nervous.”

“I am, too.”  Robert grinned.  “However, we’ll take it as it comes.  Dear Punch, don’t feel that you need to put on an act.  Be who you are.  People will gossip about us anyway.  And, those close to us will love and accept you as you are.  Just be my dear Punch.  If Julian resurfaces, we’ll sort all of that out, then.”

“Even at the palace?”  Punch joked.

“Well, maybe not with Their Majesties.”  Robert chuckled.  “You and I will have to practice our Royal protocol.”

Punch giggled.

“Now,”  Robert said with mock exasperation.  “Will you tell me, please, what to say in that blasted letter?”

Punch followed Robert to the writing desk.

“You gonna write what I say?”

“More or less,”  Robert chortled.

“Dear Jackson, what is the butler at Fallbridge Hall.  We’re comin’ back.  By ‘we,’ I mean myself—the Duke—and me chum Robert Halifax what’s a doctor.  We got a baby what I got from some people what died when Lady Barbara and the Duchess got the Yellow Fever.  He’s a good baby and you’ll like him.  We’re gonna stay at No. 65 Belgrave Square.  Arrange for the house to be opened and for someone to let us in when we get there.  Have keys for us.  We got a valet each.  Charles and Gerard.  Charles can be first footman, but we’re gonna need a butler—but not you.  You’re dull and old. Oh, yes, Arthur died, too.  Good riddance. We’ll need an under-house maid, a house maid, a between maid,  a page, a scullery maid, a cook, a kitchen maid, a head groom, a stable boy and gardener and a governess.  Send us these, please.  If you can’t send ‘em from Fallbridge Hall, arrange with an agency in Belgravia to send ‘em.  I want final choice.  Oh, we got a girl what’s called Gamilla.  She’s African!  It’s interesting.  She’s gonna come later.  She can be a parlor maid.  Keep everything as it is at Fallbridge Hall.  We will visit when we feel like it which won’t be often what with all them sad memories of me mum and such.  Yours sincerely, Julian, Duke of Fallbridge.”

Mr. Punch took a deep breath and smiled.  “There!”  he declared triumphantly.

Robert continued to scribble.  “I’m impressed with your knowledge of servants.”

“Don’t know where that came from.”  Punch shrugged.

“From Julian, I’m sure.”  Robert teased. 

Punch peered over Robert’s shoulder.  “Here, that’s not what I said.  You’re writin’ it different.”

“The idea is there.”  Robert winked.

“Hmph.”  Punch snorted.  He waited a few seconds.  “You finished yet?”

“Not yet.”  Robert laughed.

“But, I’m bored.”

Robert set down his pen.  “Fine.  I’ll finish it tomorrow.  We won’t be able to post it until the next port anyway.”

“Good!”  Mr. Punch chirped.  “Come talk with me and look at the sea.  We can go on the deck and look from above!  All shinin'.  Just like pa's diamond.”

“The sea will be there in the morning.  Right now, there’s a chill in the air.”  Robert smiled.  “Besides, I think we should sleep.”

“Awwww!”  Punch moaned, pouting.

“Look at Toby…”  Robert gestured to the dog who was curled up in the bed.  “He wants you to join him.”

“He don’t need me help to sleep.”  Punch muttered.  “If we can’t go out, let’s at least stay up and keep talkin’.  Or...!  I know!  Let’s go get Colin and play…”

“Let’s allow Colin to sleep.”  Robert laughed.  “Babies need sleep.”

“True.”  Punch sighed.

“When he’s walking and causing chaos all over the house, you’ll wish he slept more often.”

“Probably.”  Mr. Punch smiled.  “Fine, we can go to sleep, but I don’t want to.  Seems a shame to miss somethin’ as pretty as the sea lookin’ like diamonds.”

Robert grinned and walked over to the wardrobe.  Opening the shining oak doors, he removed his overcoat and Mr. Punch’s.

“What you doin’?”  Punch asked, tilting his head to one side.

He helped Mr. Punch on with his coat.  “I’m taking you on the deck.”

“What for?”

“To look at the moonlight on the sea.”

“But, you said you’d rather sleep!”  Punch laughed.

“My dear Punch, there’s always time to sleep.  I’ve learned so much from you.  But, most importantly, I’ve learned to enjoy every peaceful moment that we can share.  Tomorrow we’ll sleep.  Tonight, we’ll enjoy the moon on the water.”

“Like diamonds, it is.”  Punch smiled.  “Brilliant!”

“Dear Punch, I’ve seen something far more brilliant than that.”

“What?”  Punch asked with wide eyes.  "Show me."

Robert took Mr. Punch by the shoulders and guided him to the mirror above the washstand.  He pointed at their reflections in the glass.

“You, chum?”  Mr. Punch asked.

“No.”  Robert smiled.


“I don’t understand.”  Mr. Punch giggled, poking Robert playfully in the ribs with his elbow.  "I don't see what you mean."

“I know, dear Punch.”  Robert put his arm around Punch’s waist.  “And, that’s what’s so very brilliant.”

You’ll be able to read all five hundred chapters of Punch’s Cousin in the Punch’s Cousin Chapter Archive.  Next Monday, April 2^nd, 2012, a new blog novel—Mr. Punch of Belgrave Square—will debut in this spot.

Many thanks to all of you who have read and commented on Punch’s Cousin.  With Mr. Punch of Belgrave Square we will explore London in 1853 with Mr. Punch, Robert and Colin as they establish a new and exciting life.  Join me as we follow our friends through an intriguing journey which leads them to the court of Queen Victoria and some truly surprising scandals.