Sunday, June 1, 2014

Object of the Day: Dr. Jacques German Worm Cakes

What have we here? A mother and child—they’re being visited by a fashionable lady who seems to be offering something to them. Soap, perhaps? Or is it a German Worm Cake? After all, they never fail.

Why would this healthy-looking young lady need worm cakes? She seems to be okay, maybe a little tired. Her ENORMOUS baby seems hearty enough. But, then…who can tell when worms might attack? They come from candy, you know? What? You didn’t know? Well, I didn’t either, but that’s what the reverse of the card tells us. Candy and good health bring worms. Poor health and over-eating brings worms. Water and air bring worms. Everything brings worms! Worms, worms, worms! You need vermifuge! You need it now! 

Read on and be afraid…


German Worm Cakes, 
The Most Efficient Remedy Discovered

     These Worm Cakes have had the most wonderful suc-
cess, and have proved to be the very best, safest and
most efficient Worm Remedy ever placed within reach of
the people. They are a safe medicine and easily admin-
istered, as children will readily take them, and their
efficiency is remarkable. Nearly all children are at some
time affected with worms, and worms in the system are
more dangerous than is generally supposed , as they de-
prive the children of the benefit of the food they eat,
thus reducing them to a constant state of emaciation and
debility, and also lay the foundation of many serious dis-
eases. The origin of worms in the human body is very
obscure. However, it is certain that children of scrof-
ulous tendency and generally depraved health are most
apt to be affected with them, although they are also
quite generally found in children who are in robust
health. Certain causes are well known to be exceedingly
favorable to their growth, such as excessive indulgence
in food, excessive indulgence in candy and confectionery,
impure water, etc. Worms are most abundant in moist
countries or during a long prevalence of warm, damp
weather. Children after weaning, are more frequently
affected than very young infants, and Convulsions or
Spasms are often caused by worms in the system. Be
sure to ask for Dr. Jacques’ German Worm Cakes.

                           Prepared by the
EMMERT PROPRIETARY CO.,    --    Chicago, Ill. 


Let's translate the above, shall we?

So, whether you’re strong or weak, whether you eat well or poorly, whether you’re a grown up or a baby…WORMS ARE GONNA GET YA. So, you might as well eat these German Worm Cakes. We don’t tell you what they are or what’s in them. Are they also made of worms? We’ll never tell. Just know that worms are going to get you and make your baby have spasms and be depraved. And, you’ll never know where they came from!

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