Mr. Punch of Belgrave Square, Chapter 314

Chapter 314 

Aunt Orpha


“Now, now,” Orpha smiled, patting Fern on the head with her stump. “You must be a good girl. You know?”

“I…I…” Fern stammered.

“Don’t think you’re the only person who misses the Baron Lensdown. I lost him, too.”

“You killed him.”

“No, I didn’t.” Orpha shook her head. “I was in no condition to do so. Miss Rittenhouse and Mr. Iantosca did all the really enjoyable work.”

“They did it because of you.”

“Well, yes, that’s true.”

“So…you didn’t lose him. You made him…uhm…be lost.” Fern coughed.

“Well, I did order it, yes. But, not because I wanted to—entirely.” Orpha sniffed. “Remember, girl, you didn’t even know him. I knew him. I loved him! He was my brother, and my lover and the father of my child.”

Fern coughed again. “You say it with such pride.”

“I know it’s not a conventional association, but how could it be. Look what it produced!” She gestured with her stump toward Marduk who stared back with his four eyes.

Fern wiped her eyes and nodded. “Yes. Look at what it produced.”

“You do like him, don’t you? Your little half-brother…s. I remember how gentle you were with them and how well he responded to you.”

Fern didn’t answer.

“Honestly, little girl. Don’t you think you’re overreacting? As I said, you didn’t even know the man. He didn’t care about you. He denied your existence. He wouldn’t give you his name. He wouldn’t even help your poor hanged mother with your expenses. As far as he was concerned, you weren’t even alive. You owe him nothing, but certainly not your tears and grief especially since his death puts you in line to be the Queen Consort.”

Fern frowned. “Prince Bertie is next in line for the throne. His bride will be the Queen Consort.”

“Not the throne of England, you insufferable little thing. The throne of the world! Marduk will be the Demon King! He will rule all and you will sit at his side—the most powerful woman in the world. You should be rejoicing. The last stage has been completed. Marduk is now strong and will be made stronger. He has ingested his father, as was written, now he can truly be king! You will be his Queen and his bride.”

“You want me to marry my brother?”

“Half-brother, dear. If only he was really your brother. But, one can’t quibble about these things.” Orpha replied dryly.

“You want me to marry that?” She pointed to Marduk.

“Well, not right now, you’re too young. That would be wrong.”

“That…that would be wrong?” Fern groaned.

“Darling, you’re very lucky. Most men only have the one head. Your husband will have two. So, when you tire of the conversation of one, you can just look past him to the other.”

Fern stared with disbelief at Orpha.

“I’d have been very pleased to marry a two-headed man.” Orpha frowned. “You are a very ungrateful girl. You turn your nose up at your own blood.” She snorted. “You’d rather not be the queen of all the world.”

Fern sighed.

“Perhaps you’d rather stay as you are?” Orpha continued. “The forgotten, orphaned bastard of a Baron and a Lady. You’ve no family. You’ve no home. You don’t really even exist. I can make you exist. I can make you real. I can make you powerful.”

“If I grow up to marry my two-headed brother.”

“Yes. See…see how lucky you are?”

Fern inhaled.

“You know what your problem is?” Orpha asked..

Fern nodded.

“You’re weak! You were too long with Lady Constance. She had no spine, no fight. Your grandmother had her too, too tamed. You need to learn strength—as I did. Under fire.”

Fern blinked a few times.

“You were also too long with those mandrakes, I think. They couldn’t have been a very good influence on you. The Duke is a simpleton and the doctor is too handsome to be very bright. You’re better off here. You will learn strength from me, and Miss Rittenhouse is a delight. Don’t you think?”

“No.” Fern scowled. “I think she’s mad.”

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” Orpha smiled. “After all, you came screaming to this house covered in soot. I can’t imagine that you came by those stains without doing something just a trifle unorthodox.”

Fern looked startled. “I’m…I’m not like her.”

“You are, dear. Just like her. And, since Miss Rittenhouse is a good deal like me, so are you. Which, I suppose, is understandable considering I’m your auntie.”

“You are. Aren’t you?” Fern replied, continuing to look shocked.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you.” Orpha nodded. “Now that you understand, are you ready for your first lesson?”

“In what?”

“Strength.” Orpha smiled.

“What would you have me do?”

“To begin with, you can help me reassemble what we can of your father. We’re going to need to try to preserve him as best we can.”

“Why?”

“For future use.” Orpha sighed. “No, no, I mustn’t become agitated. You’ll learn…in time.” She clapped her hand against her stump. “Now, I thought we’d work from the bottom up. Help me find his toes. I think they’re under the sideboard.”

With that, Fern sank to the floor in a dead faint.





Did you miss Chapters 1-313 of Mr. Punch of Belgrave Square? If so, you can read them here. Come back on Monday for Chapter 315.

Punch’s Cousin, Chapter 314

Marie Laveau paced angrily in her front room, glancing occasionally as the long table in the center of the room. The bodied of Nellie and Louis had been laid upon the table, side-by-side as Marie’s daughter, Young Marie, and some of the women of the Voodoo Queen’s off household prepared the bodies for burial.
“Mama,” Young Marie spat, “Can’t you sit yourself down?”

“Don’t you dare take that tone with me!” Marie snarled.

“Ain’t no good you getting’ all upset,” Young Marie sighed.

“Look at what you’re about, Girl!” Marie barked. “I think we got two reasons to be upset.”

“Who cares ‘bout the death of this scarred-face woman?” Young Marie shrugged. “Don’t know why we’re even botherin’ with her. Can’t we just dump her in the river?”

“No, Girl.” Marie snapped. “Don’t you know you gotta treat a body with respect? Only gonna bring bad spirits to the house if we don’t. Besides, we need her.”

“What good is she?” Young Marie muttered.

“Even this poor body got juju, Girl.” Marie squinted. “’Specially with your poor uncle lyin’ next to her.”

“He ain’t my uncle.” Young Marie scowled. “His brother weren’t my daddy.”

“Don’t matter!” Marie shouted. “He was as good as a father to you as if he done sired you and that makes Louis your uncle!”

“So, what we gonna do with ‘em.” Young Marie asked, stepping away from the table.

“Don’t you know nothin’?” Marie frowned. “Didn’t I just say that these poor shells got juju?”

“They ain’t got nothin’ in ‘em but blood and meat!” Young Marie shrieked. “How we gonna use ‘em for juju?”

“You just shut your mouth and finish cleanin’ ‘em up!” Marie Laveau snarled. “You’ll see what we’re gonna do soon ‘nough!”

Meanwhile, at Iolanthe’s house, Mr. Punch stood on the staircase looking up at Nanny Rittenhouse.

“Don’t you have a kind word for your old nanny, Your Grace?” Agnes Rittenhouse said with mock sheepishness.

“No.” Punch whispered.

“My heart was broken when I heard about the death of your poor mother,” Nanny Rittenhouse continued. “She was a fine woman.”

“No, she weren’t.” Mr. Punch frowned.

“I raised her myself, just as I raised you.”

“Which ‘xplains why she was so awful.” Mr. Punch replied dryly.

“How can you be so cruel, Your Grace?” The nanny responded.

“I learned at the feet of the best.” Mr. Punch shrugged. “Listen, why are you here? Ain’t you got a job workin’ for that man what’s got all them wax figures?”

“With the baby no longer in the house,” Nanny Rittenhouse said, “I was no longer needed. Mrs. Cage felt she could look after their young son, Orman, and their niece, Edolie, without my assistance. When I was fetched for Lady Barbara, I knew I should come here and help her.”

“Fetched?” Punch smirked. “You mean, commanded?” Punch took one step further up the stairs. “Don’t you know what this place is? Who these girls are?”

“It’s not the ideal situation, Your Grace.” Nanny Rittenhouse nodded. “But, Lady Barbara needs me.”

“Is that what she’s callin’ herself again? Lady Barbara?”

“Well, no, Your Grace. But, she’ll always be Lady Barbara to me.”

“She’s quite mad, isn’t she?” Charles interrupted. “Can’t you see that?”

“Quiet down, footman,” Iolanthe chuckled. “Who are you to judge who’s mad and who ain’t. Look at your own master if you wanna see madness.”

“That’s enough from you!” Charles shouted. He advanced upon the stairs, climbing up to where Mr. Punch stood. “Your Grace, Barbara needs us. We can’t just stand here talking to these women.”

“She doesn’t wish to see you,” Iolanthe called up to them.

“We’ll see about that,” Charles grunted, taking Mr. Punch by the arm and pulling him past Nanny Rittenhouse who shrieked as they brushed past her.

“This ain’t good, Charles,” Mr. Punch whispered. “That woman’s as evil as they come.”

“Which one?” Charles said with disgust.

“Well, all of ‘em.” Punch sighed.

“All the more reason to get her out of here.”

“Charles,” Mr. Punch said quickly. “I don’t think she’s gonna want to go with us.”

“She doesn’t have a choice.” Charles said. He paused and turned to look at Mr. Punch. “I know what happened here with your own mother. You gave up on her and left her here. And, what became of her? She was killed! Is that what you want for your sister, too.”

“Ain’t fair, it ain’t, bringin’ that up.” Mr. Punch frowned, looking at the floor. “Weren’t my intention for my master’s mum to die. But, if someone’s got her heart set, sometimes there ain’t nothing you can do ‘bout it.”

“You’re weak!” Charles spat.

“I ain’t.” Mr. Punch said gently. “I’m sensible. For all that’s wrong with me, at least I learned to be sensible! And, you’re one to criticize me! Where’s your own brother, then? Hmmm? Where’s your Giovanni? Didn’t you do just the same thing I did?”

“That’s right, gentlemen,” Iolanthe cooed as she joined them in the upper corridor. She was followed by the nanny. “Perhaps you should talk this over some more. There’s nothing worse than dissention between friends.”

“Stay out of this!” Charles grumbled, running down the hallway. “Which room is she in?”

Charles began opening doors—revealing strange women and men about the business of Miss Iolanthe’s house. Most didn’t even notice him.

“Where is she?” Charles barked, looking down the hallway. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed that he was alone in the hall.

Mr. Punch, Iolanthe and the Nanny were nowhere to be seen.

“Damn!” Charles spat. “They fooled me!”



Did you miss Chapters 1-313? If so, you can read them here. Come back on Monday for Chapter 315 of Punch’s Cousin.