Thursday, May 29, 2014

Object of the Day: Splendid Lawn Mowers

This grim, androgynous child begs out to look into his or her eyes. His or her hair is long, and wild—not unlike um-mowed grass. He or she, despite needing a comb, has good fashion sense and has matched his or her Paul-Lynde scarf to the peacock feather in his or her har.

So, what’s the advertising? Hair tonic? Feathers? Scarecrow hats? Kicky cravats?


This is not a young Ralph Furley hawking neckerchiefs.  No, this child is pushing...

Lawn Mowers. And, not just any lawn mowers—SPLENDID LAWN MOWERS.

I’m sure you have many questions. I know I do. To begin with, how much would I have to pay for one, presuming that it’s 1885?

Let’s learn more. Shall we?


12 inch,…$15.00
14 inch,… 17.00
16 inch,… 19.00 


     At the request of numerous customers, we have introduced
a wood roller machine, combining all of the good qualities of
the celebrated Lawn Mowers without any of their objectionable
features. We respectfully ask a comparison of our Splendid
Lawn Mower with any machine in the market, and would ask
your special attention to the following:
Simplicity, Durability, Lightness of Draft, Quality of
Material, and General Workmanship.

    Fully guaranteed to give satisfaction
in every particular. If you want a Lawn
Mower to last you a lifetime buy the

Manufactured by the ROGERS FENCE CO. 
                                                        Springfield, Ohio.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rat out my hair into kinky auburn waves, fetch my scarecrow hat, tie a napkin around my neck and stand in my front yard with the sky behind me until someone asks about my SPLENDID lawn mower.

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