A Recipe for Punch, Chapter 98

Chapter 98
The Puzzle


"Steady on, Fred."  George said quietly to the man, offering him a hand.  "Come over here with us."

"I don't understand what's happenin'."  Fred gulped, looking around the cavern as frantically as his tired, bleary eyes could.  "What is this place?"

"It's some kind of underground chamber."  Georgie answered.

"My head..."  Fred moaned, stumbling slightly.  "Feel as though I drunk two skins o' wine, only all I had was some barley water.  Least that's what I thought it was.  It was from me own beaker, it was, too.  Right where I left it by me kit.  I'd come down and there was Gregory.  He just grinned at me and offered me one o' them smokes o' his.  Asked me if I'd like to come out in in the courtyard with 'im and, so, I didn't wanna be rude.  I took me beaker an'..."

"He put somethin' in your barley water, mate."  George said.  "The same stuff they'd given me and Miss Morgana and Poor William."

"William?"  Freddy asked groggily.  

George glanced to the covered remains on the floor.  Blood had begun to soak through the blanket.

"Lord!"  William exclaimed.  "It isn't?"  He looked to Ivy.   "What happened to 'im?"

"He talked too loudly."  Ivy cackled.

"You killed 'im?"  Freddy shuddered.

"I did."  Ivy smiled.

"She did, Fred."  George said, pulling Fred closer to him, "and, she'll do the same to you and the rest of us, too, if we're not quiet."

"You'll be killed whether or not you're quiet."  Ivy laughed.  "It is only a matter of how quickly.  Perkins is here only because William proved difficult and had to be dispatched sooner than we expected."

Fred began to gag.  "I don't understand."

George patted the man on the back.  

"It's like lookin' through a thick fog.  I can hardly see and me head feels so heavy."

"Try to stay awake, mate."  George said.  "Come over here by Miss Morgana."

"Y...yes..."  Morgana spoke up.

"Cor!'  Freddy gasped upon seeing her for the first time.  "Your hands, Miss.  Do they hurt ya?"

"No."  Morgana answered.

"Steady..."

George was about to scold Fred for being rude to the lady, but Morgana shook her head.  It wasn't the time to pretend that she didn't have pincers.

Freddy, drugged and frightened though he was, realized that he shouldn't have said that.  "I'm sorry, Miss.  I don't mean to be rude."

"You...you weren't rude."  Morgana smiled.  "You asked an honest question.  You're frightened and everything right now is qui...quite shocking."

"Thank you, Miss...Miss...  What should I call you?"

"Just Miss Morgana.  I have no surname."

"Monsters don't have surnames."  Ivy laughed.

"She don't need a surname!  Nobility don't use their surnames!  His Grace has got one, but he don't use it regular.  Even the Queen don't use a surname!"  George argued.  

"You're making my knife itch again, young man."  Ivy growled.

"Tha...than...thank you, Georgie,"  Morgana began.  "Let's not upset Ivy.  She's already proven that she's not too...steady, as you say...herself right now."

Fred sat down on the cold floor and began to rock back and forth.  "Why are we down here?  George, why don't you have your clothes?  What's to become of us?  Who is this old woman?  What does she want of us?"  He clutched his head between his hands and moaned.

"I wouldn't know how to begin to explain it to ya,"  George sighed, helping Morgana to sit down next to Fred.

He sat, too, making sure to keep himself covered.

Freddy coughed.  "She's gonna kill us?"

"She will."  Morgana nodded.

"But, she's so old and...small..."  Fred whispered.  "There's three of us."

"It ain't just her.  There's a few o' 'em."  George explained.  "Them blokes that brought ya down here.  Gregory's helpin' 'em.  Seems that even those...errrr...women we saw last night are in on this.  They're just on the other end o' that tunnel."  he pointed.  "There's no way out."

Fred's head fell backward.  "I'm dizzy."

"Try an' keep awake."  George said.

"Fred..."  Morgana began.  "I...I...suspect that soon, the men will be down to take your clothes and..."  She sighed.  "Prepare you."

"For what?"  Fred gagged again.  He looked at George, reaching over to move part of George's blanket.  He felt George's bare shoulder.  "Here, your skin is all...greasy--like it's been oiled."  He moaned again.  "They ain't gonna cook us?"  Sweat began to pour out of him. "Don't they know that this woman ain't really a lobster?  And, even so, we're just young men--we ain't nothin' at all!"

"No, no..."  George hushed him.  "They're not going to cook us."  He shook his head.  "Though that'd make as much sense."

"G...George, I'll help you..."  Morgana began.

Together, they explained, as best they could--in hushed voices--what they believed Quick, Jackson, Hargrave and Ivy had planned for them.

"Cor..."  Fred panted.  "It don't figure."

"No."  George muttered.

"Man has been trying to re...reanimate the dead for centuries..."  Morgana replied.  "Our Mr. Quick seems to think h...he...he has found the answer."

"By makin' a big puzzle out of us."  Fred coughed.  "It's like breakin' apart a bunch o' crockery and tryin' to make a china doll out o' it, with us the body and poor Miss Morgana bein' the doll's head."

Morgana raised an eyebrow.  "The doll's head?"

Fred nodded.  "Sure,"  He clutched his stomach.  "Once, I had an auntie who worked in a  factory, paintin' the faces on dolls' heads--all o' them stacked up in boxes.  Kind o' frightenin', it was.  All them heads."

She began to chuckle.

"Miss?"  Georgie looked at her.

Inhaling quickly, Morgana leaned in.  "B...boys, l...listen to me, I have an idea.  I'll need your help.  You...you know that you can trust me?"

"Certainly, Miss Morgana."  George replied sincerely.

Fred paused.  "Well, Miss, I know that my master puts much stock in your family, and, so I do, too."

"Thank you."  Morgana smiled.  N...now...I think I have a way in which at least one of us might escape long enough to go back to the Hall for help, but, you'll have to be quick, and...and...you must be very brave.  George, I think it should be you, since, you're more sober at the moment."

"I agree."  George nodded.

"Rem...rem...remember.  No matter wh...what I do or so, know that I am...I am doing it because I am thinking of our safety.  You must trust me and know that I am doing this for us.  Do...do you understand?"

"What's all that whispering?"  Ivy shouted from her corner.

"Nothin', you old sow!"  George snapped.

"Well, stop it!"  Ivy replied.

"Quickly, then,"  Morgana continued softly.  "When they come down to butter Freddy, George, this is what I want you to do..."


Did you miss Chapters 1-97 of A Recipe for Punch?  If so, you can read them here.  Come back tomorrow for Chapter 99.

Mr. Punch of Belgrave Square, Chapter 98

Chapter 98: 

Always Breaks in Two 



“Baron,” Mr. Punch said as politely as he could, making sure to affect Julian’s voice and mannerisms. “How unexpected.”

The baron rose as the Duke of Fallbridge entered the handsome, pine-paneled library of Grange Molliner.

“My apologies for coming unannounced again.” Baron Lensdown answered stiffly.

“How might I help you today, Baron?” Punch asked formally.

“Where is your…”

“Dr. Halifax?” Punch interrupted.

“Yes.” Lensdown replied.

“Dr. Halifax is working.”

“Oh? Is someone ill? Has your governess taken a turn for the worse?”

“Not at all.” Mr. Punch shook his head. “Dr. Halifax is writing a book. I had some business which required my attention this morning, so I suggested he take to the veranda with his writing while the sun was warm.”

“What is the subject of the book?”

Mr. Punch sniffed. “It’s…well…the book is regarding Dr. Halifax’s research on the manner in which individuals identify themselves.”

“I don’t understand.” Lensdown sighed.

“For example,” Punch explained. “Most men have one set demeanor. Certainly, we all behave differently in various circumstances and with different people. However, overall, the way in which a man reacts and performs is consistent. Still, some have more than one identity. More than one personality, if you will. These individual personas are, somehow, independent and fully-formed, yet they must share one body. Dr. Halifax is investigating this phenomenon.”

“Fascinating.” Lensdown said dryly. “As a theory… But, surely such men don’t really exist.”

“I believe that they do, Baron.” Mr. Punch smiled. “Now,” he sat down. “How may I help you today?”

“I’ve come about your kind invitation to the ball.”

“Ah, yes.” Punch nodded, still speaking as Julian. “I hope that you and the baroness will still be able to attend.”

“Well, yes.” The baron began. “However, yesterday I failed to mention one detail.”

“What’s that?”

“I’d completely forgotten that when we departed my wife invited some friends to join us during our holiday here. They only just arrived this morning.”

“That must be very enjoyable for the baroness.” Mr. Punch nodded.

“Yes. Gertrude likes them. They shall keep her occupied.”

“So, you’re wondering if you might bring your guests to the ball?” Mr. Punch asked.

“Yes.”

“I don’t see why that would be a problem.” Mr. Punch answered. “If you will, please, tell me their names so that I might update our guest list.”

“The Countess Hamish and Lady Constance Hamish.” The baron replied without emotion. “I think you know them.”

Punch took a deep breath. “I do.”

“I hope that will not be inconvenient.”

“Not at all,” Punch shook his head.

“I understand that there had previously been a trifle skirmish between your Dr. Halifax and the Countess.”

“A minor disagreement.” Mr. Punch waved a hand. “Nothing of consequence. You know how people gossip. I’m sure it’s been terribly exaggerated.”

“I’m sure.” The baron responded.

“Dr. Halifax and I will be very pleased to welcome the countess and Lady Constance to our home.” Mr. Punch rose. “I will ensure that invitations are brought to them by messenger this afternoon, and, if you will, inform them how very glad that we are that they will be able to join us, I’d be most appreciative..”

“I shall.” The baroness nodded, standing up again.

“I don’t mean to be abrupt, but if there’s nothing else, Baron, I do have much which requires my attention.”

“Good morning, Your Grace.” The baron bowed slightly.

“Good morning, Baron.” Punch nodded. “I’ll just ring for…”

“No.” The baron shook his head. “I can see myself out.”

“Very well.” Punch replied. He watched as Baron Lensdown left the room.

Alone finally, Punch could feel his false smile melting into a frown. He walked over to the corner of the library, grabbing a small porcelain figurine from a nearby table on the way.

Crawling on his hands and knees, Punch crawled under the ornate writing desk in the room’s corner. Lying on his stomach under the desk, he placed the sculpture in front of himself and leaned on his elbows.

“Bugger!” He grumbled to the figurine—a pink-cheeked shepherd boy with a cheerful white sheep and gray and black spotted dog. “Gonna bring those witches into me house, he is.” He shook his head. “Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger.” He snorted, adding. “And, damn!”

“We’ll just ignore them, we will.” He continued. “We’ll greet them all warm like, and, then, we’ll ignore them. That’s the way to do it.”

“Still,” he growled. “Bugger.”

Punch lowered his head, resting his cheek on his hands. He shut his eyes. “Wish I was out in the field like you, Shepherd Boy, with the sheep, and Colin and my Robert and Dog Toby—where there ain’t no countesses nor hatchet-faced girls nor stiff, odd barons.”

He sighed. “Or up in the tower where…”

Suddenly, a strange image passed behind Punch’s eyes. He saw a young man screaming, begging, pleading, grasping—his fingers scraped raw on the stone. And, then…the fall!

“Oh!” Punch shot up—hitting his head on the underside of the table. “Oh—me head.” He tried to lie down again, but lost his balance. Quickly, he extended one arm to support himself, and, in his effort, upset the figurine—breaking it in half on the cold, wooden floor.

“Bugger…” Punch mumbled as he closed his eyes again. “Always breaks in two, it does.”



Did you miss Chapters 1-97 of Mr. Punch of Belgrave Square? If so, you can read them here. Come back tomorrow for Chapter 99.

Punch’s Cousin, Chapter 98

Walking slowly to the fireplace, Mr. Punch yanked the bell-pull.


“Calling for one of the servants?” Miss Evangeline chuckled.

“Never mind what I’m doin’.” Punch grunted, rocking the baby in his arms.

“So, how long have you been like this?” Iolanthe asked.

“Been like what?” Mr. Punch narrowed his eyes.

“’Toe-kay,’ as the Creoles say. Crazy.”

“I ain’t crazy.” Mr. Punch said. “I just make my way different than the rest o’ ya. Don’t mean I’m any worse nor better. Just means, I’m different.”

“Ain’t that just what a crazy person would tell himself?” Miss Evangeline chuckled.

Gamilla entered the room, out of breath. She saw Miss Evangeline and was visibly startled.

“We got a visitor, Gamilla. Two of ‘em. There’s another upstairs with Dr. Halifax. Would you please go and tell Mr. Halifax that we got some people here what want to make trouble.”

“Yes, Sir.” Gamilla said. “Should I take young Fuller with me to the kitchen? That’s where his mama is.”

“Good thinking.” Mr. Punch gently handed the child to Gamilla. “Take Toby, too, would ya. I don’t want him having to see none of this.”

“Course, Your Lordship,” Gamilla nodded. “Come on, boy!” She said. Toby looked at Mr. Punch.

“Go on. Go with Gamilla.” Mr. Punch said gently to the terrier who trotted off after the woman.

“Now,” Mr. Punch said firmly. “I ain’t got any innocent ears nor eyes to witness what I gotta say to ya.”

“I am supposed to feel threatened?” Iolanthe laughed.

“Don’t care what you feel just so long as ya listen to me.” Mr. Punch said. “You come in here with evil in your heart, wantin’ to hurt the people what’s always been kind to me. They ain’t done nothin’ to you.”

“I beg to differ, Lunatic.” Iolanthe grinned, pulling the shoulder of her gown down to expose her wounded flesh. “I have a scar here that tells otherwise.”

“So, Cecil shot ya.” Mr. Punch said. “You lived, didn’t ya? Didn’t you have it comin’? All the things that you’ve done to cause pain for these kind folks. Didn’t you deserve to have some of that pain returned to ya?”

“Pain that I’ve caused them?” Iolanthe rose from the settee. “What about the pain they’ve caused me. Your Cecil took one of my finest girls.”

“Helped her escape from you, more like.” Mr. Punch said.

“They’ve done nothing but interfere in my personal business for years! Now, they’re continuing to be in my way by involving themselves with your sister. You know, she didn’t arrive as promised?”

“I know.” Mr. Punch said. “She were here, she was. Stole a buncha stuff, too. What makes you think you’re owed loyalty? You seem to feel like you’re entitled to it.”

“You can be quite well-spoken when you want to be, Lunatic.” Iolanthe laughed.

“I’ve listened to the things me master says and thinks. I know how to speak.” Mr. Punch frowned.

“So does your man, I’ve noticed. What’s his name? Naasir. You’d best watch your back with that one. You should have let me burn him. Those men are dangerous. Their ways are false. Their power is old.”

“What’s going on here?” Cecil demanded as he stormed into the room. “You are not welcome in my house.”

“Oh, even jus’ to pay a little Christmas call?” Iolanthe cooed. “I’ve got a desire, Mr. Halifax. I wanted to return the little gift you gave me.” She exposed the scar on her shoulder.

“Leave the room,” Cecil said to Mr. Punch.

“I can’t Brother Chum.” Mr. Punch shook his head. “I’m not going to leave you alone with her.”

“Listen to me,” Cecil said firmly. “I wish to be alone with this woman.”

“Cecil…” Mr. Punch argued.

“Mr. Punch!” Cecil ordered. “Go see to Robert!”

Mr. Punch shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

“Go now.” Cecil said sternly, not taking his eyes from Iolanthe who continued to grin at him. “And close the doors behind you, please.”

Mr. Punch nodded. He exited the room and closed the pocket doors behind him.

And ran through the foyer and hurried up the stairs to find Robert. As he did, he heard a loud shot from the front parlor.

“Dear God!” Mr. Punch shouted, turning around. However, as he did, from upstairs, he heard a woman’s scream and the shattering of glass.

Frozen in place, Mr. Punch was unsure of which direction to go.

“Robert!” He shouted. “Chum?”

But, there was no answer.



Did you miss Chapters 1-97? If so, you can read them here.